There are four English words that negatively impact your\ninteraction with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was the self-appointed international\npresident of the YES, BUT society. My\nwife confronted me in the kitchen and said, \u201cI\u2019m tired of all of your\nBUTS.\u201d She took a canning jar from the\ncabinet, started pounding a hole in the cover, and I exclaimed, \u201cWhat are you\ndoing?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust hold on,\u201d she said and then\nconfronted me. \u201cEvery time you say BUT,\nI will hold up my hand as your signal to put 25 cents in the jar. At the end of six months, we will give this\nmoney to some organization you intensely dislike.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Convinced there would only be a small sum, I\nagreed. After six months, I had filled\nthree jars and sent a cashier\u2019s check to the KKK somewhere in Alabama. I\u2019m nearly free of BUTS. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We learn \u201cyeah-but\u201d as children. BUT is a divisive, combative word and negates\nthe YES which usually precedes BUT. \nPolite people do not confront the YES, BUT person; they walk away confused\nand upset. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The word AND is a uniting word. Example: \u201cI really like your brown coat, AND\nI think you would look good in black.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Billy, a bright 13-year-old, constantly\nchallenged his teacher with chaos producing questions and comments. To deal with him, the teacher would say, \u201cBilly,\nwe\u2019ll try that next time it happens.\u201d \n\u201cBilly, you ask good questions so let the class try to answer that when\nwe get to the topic next week.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Billy did not realize the teacher had\nmastered the art of diversion and deflection. \nThe questions raised by Billy were never addressed, and Billy forget\nwhat questions and comments he raised earlier. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Try is a socially acceptable lie. Example: \u201cWe\u2019ll try to get that bill through\ncongress.\u201d It\u2019s a put down and put off. It has no credibility. The purpose of TRY is to change the subject,\ndivert the conversation, or take someone off your back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The word DO<\/strong>\nis preferred. DO <\/strong>is an action word and implies commitment to the task. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sons three and four shared a bedroom. One day both had their audio players cranked\nup to highest volume. Younger son ran upstairs to the kitchen where he\nexclaimed, \u201cMy brother just \u2018should\u2019 all over me. He can\u2019t do that, he\u2019s not my parent. Why didn\u2019t he just say, TURN OFF THE MUSIC?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Should is a guilt producing word. It does not provide choice of options. People-pleasing people often say, \u201cOK\u201d\nwithout meaning it and walk away grumbling in silence. Example: \u201cYou should be home by 10 p.m.\u201d \u201cYou should not use your phone on Sunday.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n COULD and WOULD are preferred words. \u201cCOULD\u201d is filled with choices and\noptions. Example: \u201cI prefer that you WOULD be home by 10 p.m.\u201d \u201cYou COULD be home by 10 p.m.\u201d Always look at your options.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a lawyer, Samuel treats his family like he\ntreats persons on trial. WHY is his\nchief weapon, making potential convicts defensive, forcing them to recall\nminute situations and incidents hoping to trap them in lies or indefensible positions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Samuel asked his son, \u201cWhy did you\ncome home late?\u201d This question is a\njudgment resulting in a defensive response and often a lie, if a teenager is\nresponding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why do you always react with a\nquestion? Another judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why didn\u2019t you get an \u201cA\u201d instead\nof a \u201cB\u201d? Another judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These are not questions. They are judgments made in anger. They do not search for the truth; they are\nblaming statements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of WHY, the word WHAT is\nbetter since it is a search for information while WHY challenges motivation. The question, \u201cWhy did you behave that way?\u201d\nis easily replaced by \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The word WHY, used in scientific inquiry, is\nlegitimate. Why does medicine A\nnegatively interact with medicine B? Why\ndid my lawnmower break down? Why won\u2019t\nmy car start in cold weather? These are\nlegitimate why questions. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There are four English words that negatively impact your interaction with others. But I was the self-appointed international president of the YES, BUT society. My wife confronted me in the kitchen and said, \u201cI\u2019m tired of all of your BUTS.\u201d She took a canning jar from the cabinet, started pounding a hole in the cover,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[41],"tags":[39,43,16,40],"class_list":["post-249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-know_your_self","tag-know-your-self","tag-language","tag-platinum-communications","tag-self-awareness"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=249"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":250,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249\/revisions\/250"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/knowyouraudience.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}