What is the benefit of name calling and insulting those who disagree with you?
None, you say?
Than why do we do it?
In one voice our political leaders say, “I respect you,” and when backs are turned trot out the insults and those who agree have a good laugh. It’s really not funny.
Recently a group of politicians – 8 democrats and 8 republicans – were brought together to discuss the opioid crisis. It was a civil conversation until one politician said, “If the A-holes in the Senate get their act together…”
Before he could finish a colleague shouted. “I’m leaving if we all we do is insult others. I’m fed up with name calling and demonizing.” Turning to the colleague who did the name calling she asked, “How would you feel if I called you that name in this room?”
“I would walk out feeling disrespected.”
The conversation continued. “What does respect mean to you?”
“It means that we honor each other.”
“That is not the meaning of respect. To respect someone means ‘to look again.’ It means to get beneath the surface of words and look at what the person really means. It means not to take for granted that surface words are the actual intent of the communication.”
“Are you asking that I look beyond and beneath name-calling words?”
“Yes. I mean just that.”
“I’m not a therapist or a psychologist.”
“Sounds like you’re making an excuse.”
“Maybe. I have no practice doing what you are suggesting.”
“Then, get into the game. It’s time we all begin to say what we mean and mean what we say. It’s time we start to treat each other with genuine and authentic respect, to care enough about getting our conversations beyond surface words.”
Another colleague jumped into the discussion. “Sounds like you’re asking us to be honest, even human with each other and forget our political affiliation. Right?”
“Right. If we are not authentic, we cannot trust each other. Trust is everything. It’s a terrible thing when we distrust each other. I am not asking that anyone here change their political party. I am begging us to be true to our deeply held convictions about life, liberty, freedom, and what we all have in common, namely, the Constitution. The Constitution is not partisan. And what else do we have in common? Bridges and roads for example. We don’t drive on republican roads or cross over on democratic bridges or flush our stuff away in partisan drains. This opioid crisis must be ended. Are we agreed?”
All heads nodded agreement.
Many offered comments about name-calling and insults. Some confessed to doing both. Several asked for forgiveness.
The discussion about the opioid crisis was productive and the meeting concluded with handshakes and hugs with an agreement to convene again over dinner to craft a joint, bipartisan resolution to bring forward.
At the dinner, the one woman in the group jumped in. “We are on the cusp of a fantastic solution. This is a time to put our hearts and heads together. Our hearts know what is right and just. Our heads must now craft what is right and just. We can do this together.”
Ironically, the evening might have been a bust without the initial name-calling comment.
Is that making lemonade?
I like how this story shows how people who disagree can still have civil conversations and can still work together on issues that impact everyone to find useful solutions.
What are similar stories that you have experienced? Could you share them with us?