It can happen in families. And it does. It can happen in clubs, and it does. It can happen in churches, and it does. It can happen in governments, and it does. It’s everywhere. What is IT?
It is holding non-negotiable positions. If I’m right, you must be wrong. That’s the recipe for being and remaining stuck. It leads to conflict, hurt, even war. And the way out is not that difficult. In fact, it’s quite simple. It begins with internalizing several scripts that open minds and make hard positions soft.
Memorize the following scripts until they seem natural and not hollow lines. Invite a friend to join you in a mock debate or intense discussion of specific problems and/or issues.
- “You may be right.”
- “Our feelings help define problems and our minds solve them. So, let’s start by sharing our feelings which will help us define the issues.”
- “There are often several sides to every story and issue, so let’s put every side on the table.”
- “I like what I hear, and it will help us come to a satisfactory conclusion.”
- “We all have something to gain from a successful negotiation. Let’s lay aside any discussion of win/win or win/lose and talk about what we both have to gain instead.”
This is step one in any serious discussion. Remember to keep the tone of your voice calm and non-threatening without any hint of anger.
I like this advice because it applies to so many different situations. Very useful to have an arsenal of phrases to move discussion along.